Internet Porn or a Happy Ending: Which Would You Choose For Your Husband?

With a beer in hand, I gesture from across the table at Christmas dinner....

"if I were you, I'd rather have my husband in the room next to me jerking off to his computer rather than getting some blowjob from a hooker with the family's grocery money."

She comes back....

" Really?... I don't know, it doesnt make sense to me how someone can get off when there's no physical contact there..."

In this light, she actually chose the slutty, STD infested streetwalker rather than the privacy of an Apple, and who wouldn't agree that "head" is physical contact. Let's be honest, the woman's jealous b/c her hubby's staring at ladies that literally blow her away, and the thought of her husband straying from her own legs would be impossible...therefore, she'll choose the assumed impossible.

My buddy once told me he'd go with clients to get "happy endings". It was a great way to end a meeting or dinner....just swipe the corporate card and everyone gets off. This was Wall Street bankers and traders like anyone else sitting on the train with two kids and an oblivious wife back home. Mommy's meatloaf's in the oven while her loving husband's pitching wood at some Asian massage parlor answering the repeated words of David Spade's best housekeeping impersonation. In order to fully understand the audacity of these men, just look out your window....it's your neighbor or your brother in-law or whomever you never expect. It's any man that has a woman back home with zero sex drive and the bedside creativity of a tuna yanked on-deck. The problem is you want the happy, faithful man that comes with once a millenium sex.

Girls don't understand how ridiculously easy it is to make a man happy.....ten minutes every day. Holy shit, I know, ten minutes....you might miss a re-run of Will & Grace. Instead you'd rather have a sexual tension argument ensue at 11pm over a comment you took differently than it was meant, such as "did you do anything today?.........(you respond) "what do you think I sit on my ass?!?!" If you just took those ten minutes all would've been peachy and you might have enjoyed yourself too. In fact, I don't understand why a woman in a relationship ever even masturbates. If you have a boyfriend/husband, call that fucker up...guarantee he'll drop hammer, leave work and fly from London if you're in the mood. Trust me......you should never waste that once a month urge on anything but keeping you both happy.

Guys need to relieve themselves otherwise they're ornery, miserable, frustrated and short-tempered. Some several times a day, and I say that to give you a comparison of how often we want it versus you. The internet I think you women should consider a blessing. As you know from my previous blog on marriage, over 50% of married couples get divorced in the US. The number would be far less if the temptation for other women wasn't there. And that temptation can be highly subdued if not erased, by masturbating to the options left safely for you online. This way he's not out there doing shit behind your back, spending your mortgage payment because you bitched at him for looking at porn without alternatives.

You tell me ladies......... you either remain in control with the options you have, or forego the responsibility and pretend your man wouldn't dare. To me the internet's a no-brainer, pun fully intended.