Thursday, December 4, 2008

How much can we actually regret without changing who we've become

"Do you regret anything you've done in your life?"
That's a popular question asked in a lot of interviews, and although you want to smack the cocky punk that says he or she has none, they just might be giving the best possible answer.

SOmewhere around middle school I thought popularity was so important. I mean, to the point where you can't even concentrate in class. You're focused on your clothes, who you're friends with, who not to talk's unbelievably retarded. I mean, you'd look at someone's t-shirt that their mom bought them and ask the kid if he was a surfer just because his shirt said Billabong. And if not, you'd blast him for being a poser and make the kid feel like shit so that he'd never wear the shirt again. If I was a teacher and saw that happening I would throw the brat down the stairs, and beat him with a ruler until his head popped off because getting fired would be worth it, and because the kid deserved to regret what he said and learn why wearing whatever you like is so much more important than what other people think about what you're wearing. Only a beating like that would change that fucker's perception. It fuels me up because the mistake I made in middle school was talking behind people's back. Somewhere around the 7th grade I said I didn't want a friend on my football team because he was fat, slow and sucked. All of these are further from the truth than you could imagine. In fact nothing was terrible about the kid, I was just a kid that needed his ass kicked for being a dick. Well, it all came back to bite me. One friend wanted to get closer to another and therefore threw me under the bus by announcing my gossip to everyone and turned them against me, and rightfully so. My point in bringing this up is that I sit here and say "rightfully so" to you with ease and comfort in the lesson I've learned, but fuck me, that lesson was one of the worst in my life. Hard to believe I know, I said one of the worst. I was tormented for two straight years by kids who were my best friends. I didn't even want to go to school it was so bad...being spit on when I walked by them in the halls, finding notes and threats in my locker, cursed at and called every name in the book. There was a time where I don't think I said one word to anyone in school for months....there was no need to speak. No matter what I would say to anyone would be manipulated to mean something different or be taken out of context to use as abuse against me for the following weeks.

So what happened? Well, I found all new friends in middle school. It's amazing what little worlds exist amongst eachother and would normally never collide unless some change in behavior causes it. A kid who played the drums with me in the school band was a skater. A very quiet kid that always wore a NIN shirt to school or something that said Pennywise or Bad Religion on it. Never knowing what his deal was we got to becoming friends and I began a whole new life in skating, snowboarding and listening to every style of music with his buds. Middle school was practically over by the time this mess came to a halt and I would never had made the move to go to a private high school if it wasn't for that terrible experience. My high school turned out to be amazing with a huge new group of friends and a clean slate never to smear again with the likes of gossip and talking shit about people.

I would love to say a regret of mine was how I acted in middle school and that I wish it never happened, but man when I think about how my life changed after, that's what makes me who I am today. Don't go back and try to change the course of events that you wish never happened, because you'll never learn that crucial lesson that altered your perception. We make mistakes only by making them, not thinking about them. Otherwise they would never become mistakes, just a collective decision towards the better option. You would never even reflect on the consequences of your actions and how others are affected by them if what you assumed to end positively does in fact do so. It's when the result is not what you planned that you're knocked on your ass. The times where people or family hate you and you lose friends, trust, respect.....because of what you've done...that's where you learn how to become stronger, bounce back and make sure as hell not to do it again. With pain or suffering under your belt, no matter how small in my case, or big in yours, you'll always have a way by which you become a better person because of it....and that's why it's hard to regret anything.

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