Thursday, December 31, 2009

Honesty’s So Rare It Now Seems Misleading

In motion, there’s the desire to do anything. To think about what could’ve been and what was…….what’s coming and where it ends……through passing cracks in the road below your pace, these things grow.

It’s winter. Lungs are filling with icy air every cold minute you spend moving. Shutters shoot through your legs as your arms reach out for whatever’s ahead. Whatever’s ahead is unknown, for nothing but the sun, tapping on your forehead through leafless passing trees, can know its course. You think back to your approach, who you’ve trusted, and why for some reason you’d thought they were normal; everyone thinks they’re normal. Your life’s going, but do you desperately need to know where?

A good catch, almost everyone around you is….and they’re right for thinking so. If you yourself don’t believe it, no one will. Just do what you feel is you, and some people will love you for it and others will fake it. And you watch, their own life’s chapters will play out like some Shakespearean tragedy. Their motives??? Welp, we know one thing…..they’re always burrowed in a foundation teaming with personal inadequacy…..a stew’s ingredients labeled two scolding parts selfish, one distilled part jealousy, and a curdled ladle of karma. An otherwise atrocious little meal, but something I’d devour with anyone who goes the opposite way towards logic. Let’s pick up the brush and reveal their story for it’s so easy to depict. Everything’s clear when clearing your head.

We’ll look at their actions, or lack thereof, and breakdown how they operate. They blatantly own an emptiness they can’t stomach admitting, nor believe is visible in the way they dress, speak or act. Each latches onto their persona as if completely different from the people they surround themselves with; inherently disregarding the reason they surround themselves with these people. Believing somehow that they’re better because their theory of independence means doing what they want, when really we know they’re doing what anyone they think is cooler’s doing. They’re too busy for anyone but themselves. Always starting the conversation, but never finishing it. Pointing out their accomplishments for reassurance, and evaporating nobility in humbleness. Brightening the light on others’ indiscretions without ever stepping out of the shadows. They’re kept up on the latest, the earliest. They’re friends with everyone, but no one’s really friends with them. They perform when trying to act nonchalant. The less attention they receive, the more they desire. The more they reveal, the less they’re willing to compromise. They think that someone else’s disinterest in them is actually a quality rather than a red flag; an aura of mystery and a challenge to conquer rather than noticing they’re staring at someone with little talent or personality. They put down your facts for they’ve not known the truth, and that can’t be. Disgust in their own ignorance is impossible and blame must fall on the warmest body. Commit til bored. Approve of mistakes when recyclable for leverage. Stare and judge, but accept no judgment. Always need and expect the best, but pack nothing but the ability to bring out their worst in you.

Whether posers, losers, fake or obnoxious, there's no doubt these people are in your way. I say, just fucking steamroll 'em. Be better and more valuable to this place. Offer more insight and thought to any conversation you can, and listen where you can’t. Add constructive advice where your experience has been similar, but don’t offer anything when it’s not your business at all. Find what you love doing and put its perfection at a close distance....if you do it long enough, you might become a guru, but if you don’t, you’ll still love doing it and never burn out the passion.

Don’t worry what other people around you are doing….you’ll drive yourself mad. You have no clue where their life’s headed. We all have 80 years at best….where are they gonna be at the end of those years that you won’t? All that’ll matter by then is health and family. If life should come down to one thing, it’s those you love right, and they unto you. Did you ever care that your grandparents weren’t millionaires? You loved them, and that’s it. Did you ever care that your parents weren’t millionaires? You loved them, and that’s what you knew. Will you, as a mother or father, be any different in anyone’s eyes to which these things matter? It’s within yourself that you must be comfortable with your position, your progress, your life …..and the many cracks you trot past. Like rings in trees, we wear these cracks like layers inside us…not on the outside. That’s for them; for anyone that still hasn’t thrown their sense of entitlement and ego out the door. But some day they will…..they’ll get it. They’ll grow up, shake off the façade they’ve held so close……and finally just start moving.